The Hell You Say!

The Bastard Junior Strikes Again!!!

Flatulents

with 11 comments

Flatulents = Farts for all you northern educated folks….  We in this family take pride in our farts.  We even have a few not otherwise noted categories of farts.  we have the NANA fart.  This fart bubbles out with every step you take.  Sounds Kinda like popcorn popping in the microwave.  The BASTARD fart brought on by an evening of beer and pickled eggs ( but watch out…could be the BADSTARD shit).  Then there is the the laughter induced fart…. Same as the NANA fart, but have to bust on mom a little

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Written by bofhjr716

April 9, 2006 at 9:25 pm

Posted in Family

11 Responses

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  1. Texas is the ony place in the world where farting is a competition sport. You won tonight. 🙂

    Mom

    April 9, 2006 at 10:02 pm

  2. People who would never in their life know one fart from another, who would like to act like farts don’t exist, will have to admit that a Bathtub Fart is something special. It is the only fart you can see! What you see is the bubbles. The Bathtub Fart can be either single or multiple noted and fair or foul as to odor. It makes no difference. The farter’s location is what does it. Maybe there is a kind of muffled pong and one big bubble. Or there may be a ping ping ping and a bunch of bubbles. The sound I should point out depends somewhat on the depth of the water and even more on the tub. If it is one of those big old heavy tubs with the funny legs you can get terrific sound effects. While one of the new thin ones half buried in the floor can be disappointing. But either way, as long as the water is deep enough, whatever the sound, up comes the bubble or bubbles and you have to be quick but glance back over your shoulder and you have seen it, the Bathtub Fart, the most positively identifiable fart known to man. It is a common fart and strictly for your own enjoyment unless you are a kid still young enough to take baths with your mom.

    Lonnie Vessell

    April 9, 2006 at 10:52 pm

  3. I really prefer the ripper. It sends seismic ripples to the next town. Rips the seams in the crotch of your pants. This fart genuinely hurts, and you can still feel it 20 minutes later. Anyone sitting nearby may experience hearing loss.

    Lonnie Vessell

    April 9, 2006 at 10:54 pm

  4. You have just qualified yourself to be a member of my family! 😀

    Mom

    April 10, 2006 at 7:48 am

  5. Lonnie, I can’t wait to meet you. I do have a requirement though. I expect the first meeting to be “fart free”. See, I have a weak bladder and I might be embarrassed if you see me piss my pants.

    Gina

    April 10, 2006 at 7:54 am

  6. Only a fag would want to have a farting contest, not something us Northern folks do, not even when it -40 and the wind is howling. Might be why you guys are all gay down t here, like the old saying goes “only steers and queers come from texas” and I never saw any horns on you so you must be gay. This comment even applies to the texans that move to the Northwest, not a true Northern area of the country!!!

    BOFHjr

    April 10, 2006 at 10:13 pm

  7. the most embarrassing fart is the unexpected silence fart.
    I was laying down, getting ready for a support group meeting playing with a dog because I didn’t know anyone and was nervous. The meeting starts with a moment of silence and I sit up and fart loud and proud. Turned red, but when I looked up everyone was laughing.

    donna

    April 10, 2006 at 11:32 pm

  8. John is certainly outnumbered here. Could it be, children of mine, that this is an instance when you point your finger at someone and have three pointing back at you.?

    Mom

    April 11, 2006 at 9:41 am

  9. Well, I am proud to say that I, as a true lady, do not fart. Ok, not in public, outside my home around my family. But they’re usually very professional- quick and sweet, odourless and (hopefully) silent. xxchick

    happychick

    April 13, 2006 at 7:26 pm

  10. to Chick I say bwaaaaaaaaaa-hahahahaha.

    I have never seen/heard/smelt a professional fart. Obviously and Aussie is not as proud of their gas as Texans are. 🙂

    Mom

    April 14, 2006 at 9:21 am

  11. Adam,
    Come on now… You know you poopied your pants that night!

    gina

    April 20, 2006 at 11:52 pm


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