The Hell You Say!

The Bastard Junior Strikes Again!!!

Archive for October 2009

Oh wow!!!

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Have you ever been in a room with or been chatting with someone and they exclaim to the world “Oh wow!!”? More often than not you have to then ask…”what is so neat etc. ?”

So… Bastard that I am, I have come up with a few funny retorts to make sumbitches speak up. Some are generic, but most are gender based, so I will separate them.

Male

1. Finally figure out that people are laughing at you?
2. The other one finally dropped didn’t it?
3. Just now figured out that hair is actually your penis?

Female

1. Yes, your ass really is that big
2. I know… silence is amazing isn’t it?
3. See, I told you I would listen more if you nagged less!!

Written by bofhjr716

October 31, 2009 at 9:03 am

Posted in General

Everyone needs a little every now and then…..

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Written by bofhjr716

October 30, 2009 at 1:57 pm

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Answering Machine Messages

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Now few folks have actual answering machines anymore.  Most telecommunications providers offer a digital message service to their customers. If you are like us, we have a feature from our Voice over IP provider, that works…..Never.  They have tried to fix it… no avail    People say they hear the message, but we can’t retrieve them so… I have had an Idea  hehehe… >-P      /engage bastard mode.

Being that we can’t hear or retrieve the voice mail messages…. I have come up with a few voice mail greetings that I think I am going to start using on a rotating basis.

1.  According to my daily agenda, giving a shit about talking to you is nowhere to be found… at the sound of the tone…. FUCK OFF

2. I would be happy to answer the phone, but I am having freakishly wild sex right now.  Call back tomorrow.  Oh, and your wife says feed the kids, she’ll be home late.

3. Playing my guitar right now and can’t be bothered to talk to your dumb ass.  Call back and I will be subject to garrote your testicles with a high E string.

These are just some Ideas I have been kicking around.. I’ll post a new list soon.

Written by bofhjr716

October 30, 2009 at 7:57 am

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Musicus Interuptus

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Interuptus : according to the bastard jr. v.  Causing someone to stop an activity that they are engaged in.

 

So yesterday I am playing the 12 string, taking a little break from working on a PC of a family friend.  When I play my music, I get into a groove.  It’s  a kind of Zen state if you will.  It allows me to relax and recharge, all while expressing what little artistic talent I have.  If I feel like stopping or have a set time to stop, that’s one thing.  But being forced to stop because some cockbag fuckfaced jerkoff decides that’s the time to call me and sell me shit over the telephone makes me want to take a pair of barbed wire fencing pliers, and rip his anus out through his nose.

Now you might say that is a tad extreme.   You might even say ” Now Adam, that’s over reacting a bit now ain’t it?”  To those that may ask that… you obviously don’t know me very well.  That’s not even getting warmed up.   I have very, very few real passions in my life.  my music is one of them though.  So please….. don’t screw with it.

Written by bofhjr716

October 30, 2009 at 7:46 am

Distractions

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Just as many others in this family are,  I am prone to distraction.    This can be a good thing, and it can be bad.   As my brother Mark has pointed out to me…. you haven’t been writing, and you should.   OK, distraction over.   I’m back.  Sorry about your fucking luck.

Written by bofhjr716

October 30, 2009 at 7:33 am

Posted in General