The Hell You Say!

The Bastard Junior Strikes Again!!!

Archive for November 2009

TSA part 2

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Well, I guess someone from the TSA read my last post, and chose not to be blasted anymore.   Got to PDX for the return flight, and my experience with security was very uneventful.  They were actually polite, and did their best to clear folks through with very little aggravation.   While it was a very welcome change, it was quite the buzz kill.

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Written by bofhjr716

November 19, 2009 at 12:43 pm

Posted in General

TSA part 1

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On Tuesday the 10th of November I got to Dallas Love Field in Dallas, Texas.   Like most passengers I moved to the ticket counter to check my bag, and check for any special NOTATs ( that’s Notice to Air Travelers for the uninformed).  Being a frequent air traveler, I am familiar with the majority of the Department of Homeland Security’s rules and regulations.  Some of them I am in complete agreement with.  Some of them makes me think they got some poor kid off the short bus, took his helmet from him, stuck him in a concrete room for a week, then told him..”Write some reg’s for us”.

This prompts my new name for the TSA.  I will no longer be referring to this agency as the Transportation Security Administration.       They are now..  Terminally Stupid Asshats.

While I had no issues taking my novel through security, the individual behind me was a Southwest Airlines Pilot in Command (also referred to as Captain).  On his flight case was several decals identifying him as a former United States Air Force pilot.  The Asshats practically stripped him in front of the terminal to clear him through security.  So here begins the real rant.

This poor guy spent several years as a pilot in the Air Force, meaning he held (and prolly still holds) a security clearance.  He is an airline pilot, which means these same asshats crawled up his ass with a scanning electron microscope to check everything about him and his family.  He holds an airman’s card (pilots license) which means the FAA crawled up his ass to check him out.  Yet these asshats are going to put him through this level of humiliation to get to his plane and do his job.

While I was putting my shoes back on watch the Asshats at the security checkpoint, I saw the “LEAD Asshat” tell a person to remove his laptop from the bag and power it on so he could verify it wasn’t an explosive device. …. I wasn’t aware the TSA flunkies at the airport were EOD trained.  And judging by the cursory examination of the laptop, they aren’t.   Even the non-trained, explosive stupid person who payed attention in chemistry class knows that with a few household chemicals you could make a plastic explosive.  Then with some solder and basic electronics knowledge, apply it to a non active circuit.     to the TSA I say this….. MORONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now I am going to fast forward to Oakland, California.     While waiting for my plane to begin boarding, I saw a pack of asshats come walking through the concourse.  These 10 TSA folks come walking through like a Gestapo detachment.   They stop at our gate and begin “random pat downs”.  No biggie I tell myself.  I am sure some moron who has been promoted beyond ability based on a double digit IQ has decided these random pat downs are a good idea.  I clear the pat down, and hand the gate agent my boarding pass.  As I move into the receiving area of the jetway there is a lone Nazi Asshat who decides that a 6′ tall whiter than white redneck to talks like he spent 10 years driving cattle is particularly menacing, and needs a re-re-pat down.  OK.  This Gestapo crew was doing their job…. fine…..I get this…..  Those who made the rules that these folks with no critical thinking skills have to follow… are complete and total FUCKTARDS!!!!!!

I understand that the vast majority of criminals are stupid, but weeping Jesus on the Cross….. HELEN KELLER COULD SNEAK CONTRIBAND PAST THESE MORONS.

All I could think as I am on the plane to Portland was… that’s our tax dollars at work.   GG DHS   GG

Written by bofhjr716

November 14, 2009 at 12:45 pm

Westward Ho!!!

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So today I make my way to The Great State of Drowned Rat… Sorry, Oregon.   Been almost 8 years since I was last in the land of torrential rain and depression ( mostly in the winter months I will grant you). I certainly hope that this trip will be a good one.  Been too long since I have seen my brother.    8 and a half hours of travel will certainly make me ready to get there, but it’s going to be fun.  I will prolly have a good post about the TSA and airport security when I get back.  But, here we go…

Written by bofhjr716

November 10, 2009 at 10:19 am

Posted in General

Picante

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When I was in Middle School and High School, my mother had a summer ritual.   She would can gallon upon gallon of fresh picante sauce.  She would do this in either pint or quart mason jars with the theory that we would have fresh picante to last us the inter until veggies started coming out of the garden again.

This seems like a really nice idea….in theory.

Introduce the players…  My brother and I.

My brother would come in for a weekend, and then he and I would go to the store.  This store visit included some of the necessities of store trips mind you, but the main thing on the list was Milk and Tostito’s Corn Tortilla Chips.    We would bust a gallon of that in the ass in a weekend without even trying and if we were particularly gluttonous, one and a half-two.

Needless to say the picante didn’t even make it to Christmas most years.   The thing that still befuddles me is this:  Mom never killed us for going through that much picante.   It’s a miracle I am here to tell ya.

 

So thanks mom for not killing us, and omg the picante was good.

Written by bofhjr716

November 4, 2009 at 3:17 pm

Posted in General

Insert key, turn….remove brain

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As many of you know, I spent a while as a truck driver. Although I no longer drive professionally, I still drive a passenger vehicle like most of you. The shit I see people pulling while out and about makes me wonder if the rules and regulations governing the issuance of a driver license has changed since I got mine.

1. Following Distance. In a passenger vehicle it is recommended to allow 1 sec per 5 feet of vehicle, then an additional second for every 10 mph over 30mph. So, for all the math impaired folks.. lets do some quick figuring. A person driving an average mid size car is doing 45 on Gutbucket Lane. 8ft car length = 2 sec 45mph-30mph = 15mph 10=1 second remember… so what about that extra 5mph….. ROUND UP MORONS. so we add 2 seconds for the speed over 30mph… what are we up to? 4 seconds. Remember, the life you save may be your own. Be my guest to turn your self into a grease spot on dumbass lane, but be courteous enough not to take someone else with you. And I am sure, someone out there gives a shit about you. Prolly not me, but hey..

Moral of the story…. STAY BACK The life you save may be your own.

2. Yellow lights. To most of the motoring public, a yellow traffic light means “drive like Al Unser to beat the red”. In reality, it means CLEAR THE INTERSECTION. Sure you lost a whopping 2 min while opposing traffic gets their turn… big fucking deal. If 2 min are going to make you late, you have a time management problem and your dumb ass deserves to be late.

Moral of the story… Light goes yellow, don’t be a douche. STOP

3. Right on red This means if there is no opposing traffic you can make a right turn even if you have a red light (Provided there is not a traffic sign forbidding this). Notice that there is the red light thing? Well what does a red light mean? Stop. Most municipalities have Gestapo traffic cops. The one I live in has Gestapo traffic cops trained by a cross-breed of Stalin and Himler. If you don’t come to a complete stop before the turn, your ass will get cited.

Moral of the story… STOP, then turn if safe to do so.

4. Parking lot courtesy. I was out and about with the matriarch of the bastard clan. We had finished our shopping, gotten back to the car, and I was backing out of the parking space. 2/3 of the way out, this goofy fucker turns down the row we are on and just drives right behind me. I may be completely wrong on this, but I was taught that when backing out, if you are less than halfway out and a vehicle is approaching in the lane, they have the right of way. If you are more than halfway out, and a vehicle approaches, you have the right of way. It’s simple fucking courtesy.

Moral of the story…. Use some fucking patience and common courtesy.

I am gonna catch heat for this one, but this is my blog, so if you don’t like it….gnaw the bark off my big fat log

5. Cell phone use while driving. You can say what you want, but here is your empirical proof…

Cell phone distraction causes 2,600 deaths and 330,000 injuries in the United States every year, according to the journal’s publisher, the Human Factors and Ergonomics Society.

If the conversation you are having is important enough to stay on the phone, and you do not at the very least have a hands free device….. PULL THE FUCK OVER. I don’t want to be the person you crash into and kill because you are bumping your gums to some one over something that could have waited till you got where you were going.

Moral of the story… hang up the phone and drive

6. Accident. An accident is a specific, identifiable, unexpected, unusual and unintended external action which occurs in a particular time and place, without apparent or deliberate cause but with marked effects.( thanks Wikipedia) There is no such thing as an accident in a vehicle. National Transportation Safety Board, National Safety Council, and many other groups are of the very same opinion. What we have are traffic collisions or crashes. The hell you say? It may be an accident to you, because you were driving like the poster child for traffic law observance. Was the other person? If the answer is no, then it was preventable, therefore not an accident. If a meteor falls from the sky and kills you, I will say, if you had left 15 min earlier or later you wouldn’t have died….preventable.

Moral of the story…. Be aware of what is going on around you, obey the traffic laws, drive safe and you reduce your chances of a traffic collision exponentially.

Too many people focus on everything but that they should when they drive, it’s like they remove their brain when they put the key in the ignition… What should I be focusing on you may ask?

DRIVING DUMBASS

So… to sum up..

While in a vehicle:
1. Be aware of your surroundings
2. Respect the other people who have to share the road with you
3. Obey the traffic laws
4. Stay off the phone, or at least use a hands free device
5. Allow for proper following distance
6. Use your brain… you know, that the grey goo that fills the lump 3 feet above your ass.

And while I am on this topic…. I want all of you to think about this the next time you start bitching about them on the road.

Before you…. Ate it, wore it, used it, drove it, drank it, wrote with it, surfed the web with it, watched it, drove on it, or bought it..

A trucker brought it.

Written by bofhjr716

November 3, 2009 at 10:30 am

Trip

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So a week from today, I will be getting on a plane to go to Oregon to see my brother.   It’s just shy of 6 years since we last saw each other, and those were not the best of circumstances (a funeral for once of the greatest and most influential people in your life is quite the joy kill).  So for the most part I have real good vibes about my visit with my bro.

This was not always the case.  In some ways, my brother and I are like carbon copies of each other.  In others, not so much.   But there is one thing that will never change…. He’s my family and nothing is more important than that.

In the past 10 years, I have done more traveling than most folks do in a life time.  This is due, for the most part to the fact I was an over the road truck driver for close to 6 years.  Most people see travel as exciting or adventurous, others as tedium.  To me it’s a little of both.  This trip though, I plan to enjoy.

See ya in a week bubba!

And to get us in the spirit….here we go!!!

Written by bofhjr716

November 3, 2009 at 9:36 am

Posted in General

Daylight Savings Time

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Before all you people with NO sense of humor chime in, I know the reason we observe D.S.T.   So before you start this is a preemptive STFU.

 

Daylight Savings Time makes me grumpy.   The older a person gets, the harder it is to modify our sleep patterns.  Another thing that happens in the aging process…. A major dose of the grumpy ass when our sleep gets fucked with.  If you are a member of my family you are a grumpy ass if your sleep gets fucked with regardless of age.  The grumpy just gets worse as we get older.  There is my grumpy observation for the day.

Written by bofhjr716

November 2, 2009 at 11:01 am

Posted in General Rants