The Hell You Say!

The Bastard Junior Strikes Again!!!

Archive for the ‘Work’ Category

Working at a bar

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So the last thing I thought I would be doing with my life at 33 was  working as a bouncer in a bar.    Not to say that it’s not rewarding, but there are days when I could do without the cigarette smoke and the drunks.    The one thing I will say…nay EXCLAIM:  today I am grateful to have a job, regardless of what it may be.

 

On a side note…     Who needs comedy central when you have 250 drunk rednecks to watch?

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Written by bofhjr716

November 13, 2010 at 2:00 pm

Posted in General, Work

You would be proud

with 7 comments

Yes folks that is right.  I believe I handled my attitude and temper with great focus, and dignity. These past few days, yours truly has been down with the latest stomach bug. Every morning and evening I have dutifully notified my boss as to my condition, as I think a good employee should.  This morning the alarm goes off, I pick up the phone and call the boss man. ” Feeling 1000 times better, will see you at 7:00″  He replies ” Well I have a concern.  I am a little worried about the communicability of this bug.  I would hate for you to come back and everyone else get sick and be out for a few days.”  At this point I want to say something witty like “I don’t have cholera, just a stomach bug”, but better judgment kicks in and I say ” I would hate for that to happen too.  I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. Although, I have my appetite back, and need restroom visits as little as before I got sick.  I seriously doubt there will be an issue.”  He is quiet for a moment then replies in his Mister Rogers personality ” I believe I would feel better if you went to the doctor, and make sure you are not still contagious before returning to work.”    WTF????   I don’t know how long it has been since any of you reading this have been to a doctor, but trying to get in to see one as a walk in patient is like pulling jaw teeth from a alligator:  If you get it done, you come out a hell-of-a lot more miserable than when you started.  Needless to say, I am a little aggro at the whole deal.  So I go into the office, and speak with boss man.  ” I am ok, all better, and am ready to tackle this project.”  “Well there is an issue here.” he says.  ” This is a business, and there are certain expectations employers have. We all show up at the same time, and leave at the same time, blah blah blah.”  Yes sir I understand” I reply.  In my mind the bastard gene goes into hyper-active overdrive, with a Nitrous Oxide boost.  thoughts like Fuck you in the neck with a stethoscope…..no a time-clock, no …… Conan the Barbarian’s sword!!!!.

Written by bofhjr716

August 17, 2006 at 3:39 pm

Posted in General, General Rants, Work

AS/400 ……..

with one comment

So today, as I sit home with the latest bug, I figure I can still make myself useful.  I am reading everything the web has to offer on AS/400.  I am going to stop, because in addition to the violent shits with occasional breaks to puke, I am developing a migraine.

I am sure that this platform has a viable role in the world……but I want to find the engineer who designed it, and rip off vital parts of his body……..with a pair of tweezers.

grrrrrr.

Written by bofhjr716

August 15, 2006 at 9:50 am

Poor Miserable Bastard

with 6 comments

My Bastard-ism amazes even me sometimes. We have this guy in the IT department at the Tech School I attend, who is VERY homophobic. The rest of us in IT torture him mercilessly. 🙂 So the other day, he was under a desk, plugging the peripheral devices in to the back of a tower, and our boss reached down and goosed him….. he raised up so fast, and hit his head so hard I thought the desk was broke!!! It was funnier than shit. I still chuckle about that!!!!!

Written by bofhjr716

April 7, 2006 at 2:32 pm

Posted in Work

The Evil Empire

with 2 comments

Anyone who has ever done any appreciable work with PC compatible computers has had to endure a phone call to the evil empire. The evil empire has one mantra…. Money

 

“Who is this “Evil Empire?” you might ask. Microsoft

 

 

You know you got the right stuff on the machine. Check

Have the product key entered right. Check

 

Error….. Shit

 

So I get on the phone with Ms. Habib Samlami Salami, from some where in sand land or India and it is an effort in linguistic futility to understand these guys.

 

Question 1 What the hell was Microsoft thinking outsourcing their tech support to a country where you can’t understand a damn word they are saying.

 

Question 2 What the hell was Microsoft thinking outsourcing their tech support to a country where a good percentage of the population is Muslim …… why haven’t they been investigated to determine if they are supporting terrorist organizations….. oh, that’s right, they got the money to kill that stuff.

 

Question 3 What did she say? Oh, I am thanking you so very much for shopping in my cousin Sahid Samlami Salami’s convenience store?

 

Grrrrrr…. Bastards

Written by bofhjr716

April 2, 2006 at 1:03 am

Posted in Work

Three Categories of Computer Users

with 2 comments

As a systems administrator/desktop support tech relatively new in the field, I have come to a conclusion. Computer users are based in classes. Three major classes. Each with their own sub-classes (different post entirely). It’s these major ones I am going to talk about today.

First you have every administrators dream…. The Super User.

The Super User will handle a good deal of the day to day stuff on their machine. Generally when the super user calls you with a problem ….. THERE IS A PROBLEM!!!!

The thing that makes every admin weep, is that only about 5 percent of users are super users.

Second you have the (L)user Just a annoying pain in the ass from time to time

The (L)user will call you with problems that are really not his/her responsibility to take care of, but he/she could. They are the folks that think that when their Windows® media player won’t work….the world is coming to an end. Most of the time, they are harmless, but when the get a bug up their ass, break out the valium, Tylenol, and .357mag

Then the last type of user………. COMPLETE FUCK-TARD

That is short for fucking retard for those who don’t understand Bastard IT lingo. This is the person that can get an IT person fired quickly, or put in the penitentiary( for loosing their cool). Or we as IT guys can do what we do best….. GET EVEN. We dig into our little bag of tricks, and torment the poor bastards mercilessly. These are the people who cause us the most grief, but who give us the most pleasure!!!

Thank you oh FUCK-TARDS

More to come on this subject later.

Written by bofhjr716

March 28, 2006 at 1:50 pm

Posted in Technology, Work

Tech Support

with 2 comments

”  Good Morning, This is Adam”

   ” Yes this is _________ (name left blank to protect the dumbass caller), in Financial Aid” 

“How may I help you”

   ”  My computer won’t come on”

“is it plugged in?”

    ” Yes”

“are the lights lit up on the machine”

    ” there is a yellow light on the monitor”

“how about the tower?”

    “tower?”

“the big black box on the floor, is there a green and red light lit up?”

   “no”

“Press the silver button, and tell me what happens”

    “OH!!!  It’s comming up now!”    “Thank You”

“Not a problem”   

Click

 

 

Excerpt from a real tech support call I handled.   I just have 2 words…                   

                            DUMB ASSES!!!!! 

Written by bofhjr716

March 24, 2006 at 3:13 pm

Posted in School, Work